“Life changes in a heartbeat, what was once so close and familiar can change and become distant, seemingly out of reach, like a distant horizon. We know it’s out there, but it takes trust and time to get there.” – Ed Lehming 

Today was a tough day. This is the day my mother’s life ended. I look out the window of my hotel room, and the mountains of the Okanagan that have been her daily view for most of her life are bright with sunshine. I can’t help but lock this image in my memory. Despite this beauty, a little more of this world’s beauty has left us. 

Right now, the feelings are pretty raw. This is not the first family death that I have experienced, but this time there are a lot of unresolved family dynamics that will take me a long time to unpack and process.

For now, I will hold the memories of my mother dear. We had some very beautiful times and memories; individually and with my siblings, aunts, and uncles. We spent summer days on the beach of her Lake Okanagan home, shared family genealogy with family in Ontario, and connected with distant cousins in Cabo San Lucas. All these times are indelibly etched in my memory of her. 

We also shared times of sadness and grief at the loss of close family members, particularly the passing of my sister Carrie just over two years ago, in the same hospice. That was a profound loss for all of us, and I wonder if the sky was as bright on that day. I like to think so. There are so many of these overlapping moments in my family, and I suppose that offers me some comfort too.

I also made a point to be somewhere meaningful when she passed. So I drove to the shores of Lake Okanagan, across from where she lived for many years. From the shore, I could see her house. Around the time that she passed, the sun burst through the clouds, yielding the photo above. At the same time, a magpie landed on the tree above me. I knew she was gone, and for me, the magpie was not just a signal of her passing but a symbol of reciprocity. Not something instant, but something that will require patience and learning on my part. It brings me hope for healing.

iPhone 14 Pro Max back triple camera 14 mm
1/1473 sec, f/2.2, ISO 50